Oh, I’d like to visit the Moon.

i love that dang song. it’s by ernie from sesame street. =/ i know. lame. for some reason it’s in my head and kinda applies to how i feel. i used to walk around the apt in riverside singing the first lines of the song and my roommates had no idea wtf song i was singing. haha. “oh i’d like to visit the moon. on a rocket ship high in the sky..” maybe i’ve lost my mind haha. or maybe it’s just monday. and i hate mondays. i think everyone hates mondays.

i was staring at this blank blog entry page for a long time this morning. i felt like i had so much to write. so much i wanted to type. but no way to put it. i still feel the same way. but i thought i’d start being productive and type something.

i had a pretty…adventurous wkend you can say, for lack of better words. im sure ill post more about it later. at this time tho, i feel almost like a blur. i guess that’s how i could describe it. i was telling pam on aim how i feel blah today. she totally knew. she even offered me mac n cheese (haha thanks roommate) and im still blah. don’t really want it. what’s crazy is im pretty sure this blah feeling…is something i can completely control. but my mind chooses not to. long story short, my life is grand. im blessed to live the life i live and i love the people i get to live it with. maybe that’s my problem?

lately ive been trying to be “nicer” especially to my mom. she made a comment about me a couple weeks ago that really rang loud. she told me that i used to be so nice to her. i used to be so caring, compassionate, helpful, etc…and now, i talk back more, i state my mind, im more “angry” and get frustrated more easily. totally got me all depressed and crap cause i know it’s true. my mom said it’s not like im not still nice and dependable and blah blah, but i realize that i do talk back to my parents more often, and i don’t take too much crap from them. don’t get me wrong, i still have “the fear” and my parents still have me within close guilty distance, but im aware that ive grown more of an “i don’t give a shit” attitude over time. and it makes me unhappy. but at the same time, i almost wished i really didn’t give a shit all the time. maybe an on and off switch? caring ON: “i need you to worry about my health. i have chest pains.” caring OFF: “im going to do things my way despite what you say.” caring ON: “im stressed out and im scared. what if it’s bad news?” caring OFF: “im gonna stop cooking so you stop eating. (smile)”

brighter notes:

• jeymi’s wedding is in OHMYGOSH 12 days. how exciting!!!
• annie’s birthday is coming up! YAY!
• this weeek i have a 4-day weekend! WOOHOO! i think dino and i might finally get to ride that new toystory ride. we’re prepared for the 3-hr line…

 

Empty.

my checking account, that is!!! so, in response to my previous blog about getting organized, i decided to call my financial providers about repayment of my student loans. interest is building at the speed of light and alisa would like to afford a house sometime during this lifetime. so time to pay off some student loans!!

first off, LEMME TELL YOU that i nearly DIED when i found out my loan balance. im not going to post how much i actually owe, fearing my friends and family will leave me in fear of me asking to pawn their homes for monthly payments. let’s just say ill be eating whatever is currently in my pant pocket til 2018.

…i guess that inspires me to stay at work just a TAD longer today.

Just your average friday night.

in the emergency room. ah! everything’s okay. i just had a minor nervous breakdown cause my mom caught me off guard with chest pains growing periodically throughout the evening. feel free to scroll through this rant about the details.

the original plan: dino was gonna come over, we were gonna have AYCE sushi at cabin with the taps fam bam and kidnap tobi to fight the teeny boppers in line for hulk to watch sex and the city, crash at the condo and look forward to saturday morning breakfast with the roommate and the boy. what actually happened: called my mom after work and she told me she had some chest pains, but “i’m fine. i’m fine. i don’t need help.” dino stuck in massive traffic on the 210, < 5mph for 1.5 hrs. went out to dinner with pam, called her again, “it’s getting a bit worse. went to water the plants and couldn’t do it. i’m fine. don’t come home.”, sat at the condo contemplating with pam, called her again, “eh. it’s getting a little worse. but it’s okay. stay home. i kno what to do. if i collapse ill just call 9-1-1. that’s all. you don’t have to come.” [freakin SCORPIO] so i started freaking out when it hit me that i really need to go home. called up tobi to tell her i can’t make it and couldn’t hold it together cause i was scared for my mom. i was crying the whole drive home, mind you, it was the LONGEST DRIVE OF MY LIFE from my condo. didnt realize how far it was from home. i called my aunt (fam friend) who’s a nurse and lives close by and told her id be home in 30min and to just sit with my mom til then. felt a little better that she was on the way there so i drove a little slower only to realize there was a cop behind me. so im on the 57 merging onto the 91 going 55mph. when i got home, my aunt (bless her!) was there and she picked up her 2 sisters too, another nurse and a physician’s assistant, and then my uncle the pharmacist got there at the same time. i had a freakin hospital in my kitchen. i felt way better. they made her take some mylanta [thinking it was gas] and just sat around waiting. dino “the ambulance” the teased, got to my house with some aspirin just in case it might have been a mild heart attack. after 30min, the mylanta should’ve worked if it was gas, she still felt bad and the pain spread to her back, so i took her to the ER. she was a trooper! (i had to drag her there kicking and screaming.) you just can’t bring nurses to the ER! they’re like stubborn little kids! right when they put her on oxygen and the nurse left, she ripped it out and was like, ‘i don’t wanna wear this! it’s annoying!”…4 yr old kid!! poor dino, i love him, sat in the lobby by himself for 2 hours before my mom made me tell him to go home. i know he would have stayed all night. thanks babe. we left the ER around 2am with all her tests clear. but now she’s complaining that the pain spread to her back. she’s thinking it might be a spinal nerve thing. also kinda scary. we might be back in the ER today.

Monica Gellar Mode

i have seriously got to get my life together. i was feeling a little down today and of course, what do i do when im feeling down?? i read glo’s blog!! =D  and then i go through all the blogs on my bloglist and realize just how much i miss blogging. reading my roommates’ blogs and my friends’ blogs feels almost like psych therapy.

today, im going to go home, sit down, and write some sort of schedule. [mind you, i have TONS of these things. microsoft excel is my friend.] but i really want to just come up with some sort of system. i like timed schedules. not that my semi-hectic life would ever fit in a set schedule, but im gonna try again! for the 15 billionth time! and in my schedule, im going to try and set some designated time for blogging. i like writing them and i like reading others’ blogs so dammit, im going to get back into it!!

p.s. – thanks for the nice graduation post, glo! sorry it took this long for me to read. but it made me smile.