had the usual monday….really REALLY want to take a vacation. not even a vacation. a getaway. ill even take a weekend. better yet, something unplanned. unorganized. unauthorized. kinda like that one time my roommates and i drove out to newport beach at night to sit on the lifeguard towers in the dark and listen to the waves. what an awesome night that was. i miss that.
….waiting for more spontaneous memories.
i love that dang song. it’s by ernie from sesame street. =/ i know. lame. for some reason it’s in my head and kinda applies to how i feel. i used to walk around the apt in riverside singing the first lines of the song and my roommates had no idea wtf song i was singing. haha. “oh i’d like to visit the moon. on a rocket ship high in the sky..” maybe i’ve lost my mind haha. or maybe it’s just monday. and i hate mondays. i think everyone hates mondays.
i was staring at this blank blog entry page for a long time this morning. i felt like i had so much to write. so much i wanted to type. but no way to put it. i still feel the same way. but i thought i’d start being productive and type something.
i had a pretty…adventurous wkend you can say, for lack of better words. im sure ill post more about it later. at this time tho, i feel almost like a blur. i guess that’s how i could describe it. i was telling pam on aim how i feel blah today. she totally knew. she even offered me mac n cheese (haha thanks roommate) and im still blah. don’t really want it. what’s crazy is im pretty sure this blah feeling…is something i can completely control. but my mind chooses not to. long story short, my life is grand. im blessed to live the life i live and i love the people i get to live it with. maybe that’s my problem?
lately ive been trying to be “nicer” especially to my mom. she made a comment about me a couple weeks ago that really rang loud. she told me that i used to be so nice to her. i used to be so caring, compassionate, helpful, etc…and now, i talk back more, i state my mind, im more “angry” and get frustrated more easily. totally got me all depressed and crap cause i know it’s true. my mom said it’s not like im not still nice and dependable and blah blah, but i realize that i do talk back to my parents more often, and i don’t take too much crap from them. don’t get me wrong, i still have “the fear” and my parents still have me within close guilty distance, but im aware that ive grown more of an “i don’t give a shit” attitude over time. and it makes me unhappy. but at the same time, i almost wished i really didn’t give a shit all the time. maybe an on and off switch? caring ON: “i need you to worry about my health. i have chest pains.” caring OFF: “im going to do things my way despite what you say.” caring ON: “im stressed out and im scared. what if it’s bad news?” caring OFF: “im gonna stop cooking so you stop eating. (smile)”
brighter notes:
my checking account, that is!!! so, in response to my previous blog about getting organized, i decided to call my financial providers about repayment of my student loans. interest is building at the speed of light and alisa would like to afford a house sometime during this lifetime. so time to pay off some student loans!!
first off, LEMME TELL YOU that i nearly DIED when i found out my loan balance. im not going to post how much i actually owe, fearing my friends and family will leave me in fear of me asking to pawn their homes for monthly payments. let’s just say ill be eating whatever is currently in my pant pocket til 2018.
…i guess that inspires me to stay at work just a TAD longer today.
in the emergency room. ah! everything’s okay. i just had a minor nervous breakdown cause my mom caught me off guard with chest pains growing periodically throughout the evening. feel free to scroll through this rant about the details.
the original plan: dino was gonna come over, we were gonna have AYCE sushi at cabin with the taps fam bam and kidnap tobi to fight the teeny boppers in line for hulk to watch sex and the city, crash at the condo and look forward to saturday morning breakfast with the roommate and the boy. what actually happened: called my mom after work and she told me she had some chest pains, but “i’m fine. i’m fine. i don’t need help.” dino stuck in massive traffic on the 210, < 5mph for 1.5 hrs. went out to dinner with pam, called her again, “it’s getting a bit worse. went to water the plants and couldn’t do it. i’m fine. don’t come home.”, sat at the condo contemplating with pam, called her again, “eh. it’s getting a little worse. but it’s okay. stay home. i kno what to do. if i collapse ill just call 9-1-1. that’s all. you don’t have to come.” [freakin SCORPIO] so i started freaking out when it hit me that i really need to go home. called up tobi to tell her i can’t make it and couldn’t hold it together cause i was scared for my mom. i was crying the whole drive home, mind you, it was the LONGEST DRIVE OF MY LIFE from my condo. didnt realize how far it was from home. i called my aunt (fam friend) who’s a nurse and lives close by and told her id be home in 30min and to just sit with my mom til then. felt a little better that she was on the way there so i drove a little slower only to realize there was a cop behind me. so im on the 57 merging onto the 91 going 55mph. when i got home, my aunt (bless her!) was there and she picked up her 2 sisters too, another nurse and a physician’s assistant, and then my uncle the pharmacist got there at the same time. i had a freakin hospital in my kitchen. i felt way better. they made her take some mylanta [thinking it was gas] and just sat around waiting. dino “the ambulance” the teased, got to my house with some aspirin just in case it might have been a mild heart attack. after 30min, the mylanta should’ve worked if it was gas, she still felt bad and the pain spread to her back, so i took her to the ER. she was a trooper! (i had to drag her there kicking and screaming.) you just can’t bring nurses to the ER! they’re like stubborn little kids! right when they put her on oxygen and the nurse left, she ripped it out and was like, ‘i don’t wanna wear this! it’s annoying!”…4 yr old kid!! poor dino, i love him, sat in the lobby by himself for 2 hours before my mom made me tell him to go home. i know he would have stayed all night. thanks babe. we left the ER around 2am with all her tests clear. but now she’s complaining that the pain spread to her back. she’s thinking it might be a spinal nerve thing. also kinda scary. we might be back in the ER today.
i have seriously got to get my life together. i was feeling a little down today and of course, what do i do when im feeling down?? i read glo’s blog!! =D and then i go through all the blogs on my bloglist and realize just how much i miss blogging. reading my roommates’ blogs and my friends’ blogs feels almost like psych therapy.
today, im going to go home, sit down, and write some sort of schedule. [mind you, i have TONS of these things. microsoft excel is my friend.] but i really want to just come up with some sort of system. i like timed schedules. not that my semi-hectic life would ever fit in a set schedule, but im gonna try again! for the 15 billionth time! and in my schedule, im going to try and set some designated time for blogging. i like writing them and i like reading others’ blogs so dammit, im going to get back into it!!
p.s. – thanks for the nice graduation post, glo! sorry it took this long for me to read. but it made me smile.
ever have those moments when you’re so frustrated and you want to scream or yell, but you just can’t.. because you’re at home, or work, or school, or somewhere where you just can’t yell. but you OH-SO-WISH you had a pillow you can scream into or a mountain you can yell from….
WELL. i feel that way RIGHT NOW. and this blog is my pillow. and i’m YELLING into it. because i’m ANGRY.
that’s all. thanks blog. for allowing me to do that. as opposed to punching my laptop screen or chucking my cell phone across the earth.
it’s finally friday!! i thought it would never get here! i’m at work for a full day today and my boss is on vacation. therefore, i get to blog my life away and make money for it! not a shabby deal at all…. well, at least until i have that darn marketing report due by 2pm today. what a kill joy.
despite this chaotic week’s events, i must say, i really enjoyed my class lectures this week. it’s a shame that im finally enjoying my classes during my last semester in grad school but at least i can finish off on a pleasant note. i learned a few life lessons this week i thought i’d share. feel free to scroll down and bypass my blabber. im just writing as it pop in my head.
one thing i learned from undergrad (one of the few things i learned there) that i still carry with me is that all conflict arises from misunderstanding. in times of conflict when we are angry or aggressive and act irrationally, it is usually because we misunderstood the other party in some sort. for example, when we drive on the streets or on the freeway, it’s uber common for people to cut you off, speed, road rage, merge into your lane without looking and nearly side-swiping you, etc.. our instant reaction is typically ”WHAT the FUCK?! you fucking asshole learn how to fucking drive!” (we’ve all been there.) in that instant moment, if we are able to take a step back and think alternatively, perhaps we won’t let our emotions get the best of us. instead of thinking that the other driver had bad intentions to piss you off, YOU, specifically, because ya know, there’s no one else on the road but you. and no one else is in a hurry except you. cause you’re the best driver in the world. and everyone needs to respect that, we can think of things as, “what if his wife is having a baby and he’s rushing to the hospital?” or “what if she just got a phone call from the hospital that her son has been in a major car accident?” “what if he’s late for the job interview of his life?” granted, im sure there ARE plenty of people that ARE really horrible, rudely inconsiderate drivers out there. i suppose we would never really know what their intentions are and what’s going on in their minds, but at least in your mind, you can realize that “most people are misunderstood. and i understand that.”
in my leadership class, we learned steps to negotiating with difficult opponents and conflict resolution, an idea by William Ury, author of “Getting Past No”. i found that these steps could be easily applicable to people that we don’t get along with or wonder “what the fuck they were thinking?!” in the same sense, my self-management class also touched on ideas from positive psychology and how to deal with problems by “changing your questions” and “becoming a learner rather than a judger” im not gonna sit here and type out the whole lecture (although it seems that ive typed enough about it already) but here are some key takeaways that i gained from the two classes:
ONE more story: (as you can see, i haven’t blogged in a while…now you must suffer the consequences of my notoriously long blogs) i was watching an episode of oprah one day a long time ago that really touched me. the guests were a panel of mothers of children with autism. i didn’t know too much about the disease so i thought id watch and learn something. after going through their children’s history, the onset of the disease, symptoms and etc., the mothers describe how most people don’t really understand what they go through unless they have a child with autism. to make a long story short, oprah asked at the very end of the show, “mothers, if you could offer one piece of advice or information about autism to anyone watching, what would it be?” and one mother said, “when you see a parent of an autistic child in the grocery stores, the parks, in the bus or at a restaurant, the ones holding a baby in one hand with another child throwing something, screaming without reason, or demanding attention. rather than passing judgment, getting annoyed, and assuming we’re bad parents, please stop by and ask, “is everything okay? is there anything i can help you with?” it helps just to know someone understands and cares. i definitely learned something new. and gained a whole new perspective.
the weekend went to SCHOOL, JANICE, DISNEYLAND, and MONOPOLY, DISNEY EDITION (of course). but it was WAY too short. almost got to meet up with glo & mike at dland but the weather was painfully hot (definitely not within my 65-75 degree range) so they resorted to yogurtland. GOOD CHOICE. but dino and i spent a good couple hours there and had fun. side note to glo: we totally found your little fun photo spot at grizzly river run. HILARIOUS. we were cracking up forever.
janice’s bday party….pictures to follow. enough said. 
good times. HAPPY MARCH 20th BIRTHDAY TO MY FAVORITE MAAAN JANICE!
apparently i took a blog vacation and completely skipped 4 days….which means…i had to think of FORTY life appreciations for my assignment!… i did it over the course of today and it was a bit easier than i thought. granted, i had to keep checking my previous blogs to see if i repeated anything (i don’t have bad short term memory, i don’t have ANY short term memory). i know some of my items are starting to sound pretty lame and desperate but hey, almost done with the assignment and it’s been a good exercise for me.
FORTY (count em! 40!) things i appreciate in life (in no particular order): Day 10, 11, 12, 13
1. Clean bathrooms
2. How trash is never on the ground longer than 5 minutes at Disneyland
3. That dino has similar family values as I do
4. How America is very focused on making everything handicapped accessible.
5. Seeing-eye dogs
6. That I speak English fluently
7. Good customer service
8. Clearance sales
9. Lifetime warranties
10. When pam waits to watch a show we DVRed with me
11. When my parents trust my judgment
12. When my parents get along
13. When I get a chance to really sit down and talk with my brother.
14. When people know their drinking limits
15. That dino doesn’t get mad when I call him too late
16. Snowy mountains and beautiful beaches are both within driving distance
17. That I always have a friend I can count on in rough times
18. That my parents’ house is always welcoming
19. Reusable bags
20. The effort that dino’s parents make to get to know me better
21. metaphoric stories with moral endings
22. reality television (ah, the guilty pleasures in my life)
23. inside jokes I will always laugh to with my friends
24. that my roommate has a creative imagination
25. people who understand sarcasm
26. restaurants that stay open late
27. microwaves
28. that pam’s parents bought this condo near school for us to rent out
29. pam’s dad’s home cooking!
30. That I can text pam’s mom and she texts back
31. romantic comedy movies
32. that I can actually get a lot of studying done at libraries
33. when professors don’t require expensive textbooks
34. that my parents took us on family trips to every tourist attraction in America
35. that pam drags me to the gym even though I HATE IT.
36. That Janice and I are really close again.
37. That sitting in the sauna burns more calories than 30 minutes of cardio
38. the alarm system for my condo
39. digital video recording
40. free blog-hosting websites
